if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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