I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Green mimosas i think yes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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