Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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