I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
