It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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