I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
