my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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