ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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