Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
