so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
