Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
