Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
