That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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