dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
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What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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