I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
