the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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