how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
