My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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