Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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