Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
