so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
PANTIES FOUND
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
