she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
