Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
