We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
