At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
