Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
