i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
