She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
