This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
