Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
