The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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