So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
