I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
