i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
