I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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