I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
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theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
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that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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