Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
