I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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