I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
