Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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