Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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