Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just cut my nipple shaving
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
