some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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