Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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