I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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