mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
