i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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