Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
