I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
