at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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