I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
