Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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