I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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