Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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