What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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