Girls should come with a carfax report
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
