I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
