their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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