She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
