Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
