I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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