just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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