hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
