Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
