if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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