Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
