what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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