you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
