I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
