Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize