I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
