the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
