OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
