so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
