Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Buhtt sex?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
