After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
