tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the liver wants what the liver wants
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
